She explained how she was “very offended” that the mother-in-law “alluded to not trusting me, with absolutely no reason not to.”
She added: “I’ve done quite a lot to help her over the past 15 years and thought we had a positive relationship, so I was gutted. I confronted her as soon as it was said, and told her I was utterly confused by her comment and very offended. She tried to wriggle out of it but we both knew what she was getting at.”
She explained how after the comments were made, which were allegedly “about money”, her husband completely backed her up, “and was offended on my behalf, and told her she’d upset me.”
The mother-in-law proceeded to say, “well I’M upset now” and hung up the phone." There was no contact for a week, until DH (husband) phoned her. He suggested she apologise to me, and after a few days I received a WhatsApp from her saying ‘Sorry.’ Should I let it go?"
One user advised her to stick to her guns.
“Nah, don’t let it go. She showed her true colors after 15 years, got caught and called out and decides to stick by what she said. Her pathetic apology doesn’t cut it. Letting it go gives her the entitlement to do it again, knowing you will get over it.”
The stereotype of the contentious mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship goes back a long way, often related to an increased competition for resources, affection and hierarchy.
A study published in the journal of Evolutionary Psychological Science found that both men and women report more conflict with their mothers-in-law, than mothers, and that mothers report more conflict with their daughters-in-law, than daughters.
“For example, a mother-in-law’s son/daughter-in-law’s partner’s resources are finite, so daughters-in-law favor her husband allocating resources to her and her family, while the mother-in-law favors her son allocating resources to his other family members.”
The study also found that conflict between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws can result in reduced access to grandchildren, and “conflict over childcare may lower the quality of mother- and daughter-in-law relationships, causing the daughter-in-law to seek additional social relationships to help with child care—which may worsen her relationship with her mother-in-law” meaning, the mother-in-law."
Users in the comments offered their advice. “Her comment and unheartfelt apology has irrevocably changed your relationship. I’d leave it, but I’d definitely take quite a large step back from dealing with her in future. I’d be polite but much less involved and much less willing to help. She has caused this,” said one user.
Another suggested: “I would be loathed to accept the apology but for the sake of family I would however … stop all visits, calls and doing things for her. Unfortunately this will change your relationship going forward but she’s shown her true colours now and you can be in control.”
Another user shared: “I would be fuming. Reply and say ‘I appreciate that’ but nothing to indicate you forgive or forget. Then that’s it, no more doing all the little things. She needs to make the effort.”
